Who are new-aged grandparents? They are grandparents between the ages of 40 and 60 and have very real lives that include the rearing of their grandchildren. This is an increasing phenomenon where nationally 4.5 million children live in households headed by grandparents. 29% of these are African American, 17% Hispanic/Latino, and 47% White. 34% are households where the parents are not present for varying reasons.
This trend is having a major effect on the quality of life both grandparents and their grandchildren enjoy because many never factored into their long-term life plans raising another generation of children. As a result, they have to resort to taking second mortgages on their homes, using retirement funds or savings to adjust financially. There are often expensive legal fees that accompany taking on guardianship of grandchildren. In addition, many of these grandchildren experience emotional and health issues that present additional challenges for grandparents. Even more, grandparents who fall in the age range of 40-60 find greater challenges still because support and resources are quite limited for this group. They also find it difficult to balance the continued pursuit of personal endeavors with second generation parenting.
I will never forget the moment I discovered my eldest daughter was with child. It was November 2006, she was visiting home while on Thanksgiving break from college. My immediate reaction was that of encouragement since she was an unwed mother-to-be. It was without a thought that I conveyed to her that this (the pregnancy) was not a sign of the end of the world. I told her that I would be there for her, I loved her unconditionally, and that I would raise the baby once she returned to school to complete her education for that would be her ticket to independence and self-sufficiency. In the following months, I came to a realization - I didn't know anything about being a grandmother. Well, I was aware of the traditional school of thought of "love "em, spoil "em and send "em back home to their parents' but what do you do when they live with you?
At forty years old and the single parent of seven children, four of whom are in college, I thought that this was now my time. My days of imagining a time when the nest would finally become empty had come to a screeching halt. After the serious realization that in essence I was going to be a parent again, I thought to myself, "this is not cute"! Once my granddaughter was born, I felt terribly ill prepared. I was surprised by how much I loved her, I didn't think I could love any harder or any more than I did as a parent but my grandchild represented more than just a child to me but the very reason I lived. While raising my own children, they had the direct benefit of knowing everything about me. They were my best friends, the wind beneath my wings in the midst of trying times.
My grandchildren, on the other hand, would see the world through a different set of lenses, those of their parents which would largely come as a result of how I raised them. Thus, when I stared at the slumbering face of my grandbaby I saw my legacy. I felt that I had a "do-over" at parenting. I had a responsibility to right my wrongs, to shower this child with the wealth of wisdom I had acquired as a parent. I could now complete the process of cycle breaking. I vowed that I would discontinue unhealthy patterns that had affected my life by my parents as well as the one's I had developed. I would offer exuberant love, endless patience, warmth and understanding, and a far less stressful existence. A life filled with unyielding joy, allowing her childhood years to remain unblemished. But how would I do this, was the question. I retired my burp cloths and denim overalls a decade prior in exchange for a mini skirt or two.
The challenges admittedly haven't been that many. Sure, I had to acclimate to nighttime feedings, major schedule adjustments and the fussiness of teething. The world does revolve around her. However, unlike being a first time mother, I was a pro at this and I didn't have to deal with losing weight or fluctuating hormones. Working from home, I am even more organized, incorporating her into every facet of my day. She joins me in my workouts, accompanies me to meetings, she's even been a welcomed addition on dates (my guy friend stares into her eyes more than mine). In actuality, she steals the show wherever we go which has cinched many a deal at the closing table. With her in it, contrary to my many concerns, my life is enhanced. So far, I am fortunate and she is still quite young. Many other grandparents experience for greater difficulties in their transitions. Being realistic, I recognize this just the beginning.
In short, I decided that I was going to be a crazy, sexy, cool grandparent; the kind who can enjoy life to the fullest with grandbaby in tow. I don't look like a grandmother, the typical robust silver-haired woman with a large bosom perfect for nestling into during a deep hug. I don't act like a grandmother especially when I text message my friends that I'm going on a motorcycle ride. I don't think like a grandmother being somewhat free spirited and open to new concepts. However, I do value being a grandmother. My granddaughter has renewed my faith in the forgiveness of this life. She represents second chances. Her mother named her Amira and that is exactly what she is; a mirror of my soul that confirms to me that I'm encapsulated by love. To all the new-aged grandparents in the world, I encourage you to be crazy, sexy and cool! Recognize that your role with your grandchildren is an opportunity to build solid bridges between yesterday and tomorrow that you can walk across together.
