I've been a fatty... I don't feel bad saying it, I don't deny it, and I don't make excuses, or call it something else. I was fat! I had the stretch marks to prove it... Though, nowadays, it's difficult to distinguish from the "chunky-bubble" ones and the "cooking-a-10-pound-kid" ones... Still, I remember...
I remember seeing the faint silver lines that we all acquire during puberty turning into angry, purple indents, as my skin expanded too quickly to accommodate my rapidly increasing mass. Not pretty!!! And I'm not proud... But, it's true... And I guess I've been lucky to have changed my ways and made efforts to maintain a size and weight that works for me. Most of the time anyway.
So, this is quite descriptive and perhaps too much information for most people. But, it's OK because, while this is indeed a sensitive topic, I raised it. I'm talking about me and my experience. I'm not asking for an opinion, "Does my butt look big in this?" Or fishing for reassurances, "No.... you [weren't] fat, you [were] just big-boned..." I'm simply telling it like it is.
Weight is such a tricky topic. When can we talk about it? What are we supposed to say?
Diets
Personally, I don't like long-winded chats about how many kilos I've lost or gained, how much I've eaten, or how long I've been starving myself. My weight and the way I go about getting it, or losing it, doesn't rate as a favourite topic of conversation. If I'm on a diet I'll talk about it. Though, this is mostly related to the fact that when I'm on the diet, I'm so preoccupied with food that my brain finds it difficult to focus on anything else. So my contributions to conversations are about the kinds of food I'm eating, how I'm feeling physically (usually tired and grumpy!), and general complaints about being so preoccupied with food. It's so annoying. Hence, the reason I try not to go on diets.
You'll notice that I don't consciously talk about my "weight"... I'm not seeking random people's opinions on how much of a difference it's making or how great I look. I'll be the judge of that! I'm just complaining. Which is not necessarily a "good" or positive thing; again, just telling it like it is.
With that in mind, when is it OK for people to talk about my weight to me? And in particular, when is it OK for people to comment on my weight gain? The lines are not black and white, that's for sure! It's my understanding that unless I raise the issue, things are better kept to yourself. Weight is such a delicate subject that when talking about someone else you really should take your cues from them. Obviously there are exceptions, but whatever the case, someone's weight, size or shape should be handled with care and tact.
These are my thoughts on the matter:
Friends
Friendships are complex. There are friends who know your deepest, darkest secrets, what you look like the morning after a hard night out and you don't mind getting changed in front of them. These friends can talk about your weight honestly. They know you well enough and understand what's going on in your life that could be contributing to changes in your body shape. They also care about you and will be careful about how they talk about this sensitive issue. They'll help you reach your goal weight by gently persuading you not to have that extra bowl of fries, or telling the cab driver to keep going instead of pulling into Macca's drive-thru on your way home from town. Most of the time, these friends won't talk about weight gain unless you do. But, they'll be the first to offer unprompted compliments when you lose weight.
Family
Families are complex too. The relationships you have with different family members vary with age, sex, upbringing, location... and though I hate to admit, personality plays a big role in how these relationships are formed and the dynamics within them. As a general rule, family members will be honest, and often more brutally so than your friends. While it's always nice to be tactful, if you ask a family member about your weight they are not going to sugar-coat the answer for you. Your relationships are solid enough that compliments and ego-trips don't come into play as much. If you really want to know what you look like, ask your family! They will also support you in working towards your goal, but they'll be a little more harsh. They'll buy you chocolate-coloured lip gloss at Easter instead of an egg, or hide the cookies, or tell you straight out that you don't need cream on your cake. They won't make excuses for you, because at the end of the day, your relationships aren't built around mutual liking. You're always going to be family. So, if you're serious about wanting to lose weight they can help you. If you're not, it's best to keep your mouth shut and not complain about it, "cos they don"t want to hear it.
Foes
This is where the lines become blurred... Foes are those people who aren't qualified to talk about your weight but do anyway. They may be acquaintances, in the sense that you have shared time and experiences with them, but they don't really know you. Therefore, any random comments about your weight are really out of line! If I'm not asking for your opinion, keep it to yourself! I know my body, better than you're ever going to, so I can tell when my pants are getting tight, or my love handles are looking a little too loved. I'm conscious of the rolls in my tummy when I sit down and I'm aware that tight tops are not really working for me at the moment. I don't need to hear it from you! Didn't your mother ever tell you that if you don't have something nice to say... don't say it! I mean, when has it ever been OK to talk about a woman's weight? Foes in this sense are generally clueless, chauvinistic males who believe women should be finely-tuned, slim and toned, objects for men's viewing pleasure and potential gain. Umm... hello? Anyone who has spent any time with me knows that I'm not that kind of girl, nor do I have any desire to be.
On the other hand foes can also be disguised as smiling, oh-so-nice, everybody's-best-friend. These people are usually females who give you false compliments then laugh at you behind your back. They're the ones that gossip about the size of your ever-expanding gut with their skinny girlfriends then offer you the biggest piece of chocolate cake and laugh their bony butts off as you devour it appreciatively. Female foes are just plain evil. They don't understand how us "big-boned" gals can attract hot guys and get more attention than them. So, rather than look for the inner beauty and vibrant personality that draws other people to us, their sheer jealousy leads them to be completely fake and nasty. Stay away from these people! They are no good!
Obviously there are situations that don't fall into the above categories; otherwise it would all be too simple.
