So let's name the cast:
- The flatterers
- The hypocrites
- The power trippers and the control freaks
- The ambitious ones (will do anything to go up the ladder)
- The 9-5 punch-in, punch-out (don't give a damn guy)
- The all-talk-no-substance
- Who else? Of course, the quiet-roll-up your-sleeves-and-let's-work-guy (yeah, these guys still exist!)
With such diversified personnel all bunched together, it's only natural that sparks will fly. It's a positioning game really. Along the way we get to interact with each and every one of them. Sometimes politicking gets so sickening that interacting within the group isn't fun anymore. We begin to hear this and that from them. Gossips go around, a simple story becomes a big issue once it pass from one person to another. From person # 1 (I heard this and that) to person #4-5 (I believe/I suppose this and that) to person #9-10 (I conclude this and that). It becomes a snake-pit. Eventually two things happen: Either you harden up and becomes like one of them or you simply move away, pissed off, fed-up, disgusted and losing faith in people's goodness and honesty. Then you go join another group and gets exposed to the same situation. So what do you do?
Just be Yourself
It's such a snake-pit out there, everybody back-stabbing the other that just by being yourself, you are already injecting a whiff of fresh air in an already stale environment. At 1st people will think you're (trying to be goody-goody) and they will try to sabotage you. Heck, if you “try to please them” just to be “in”, you'll hear something, “you keep quiet and mind your own business”, you'll still hear something. It's really a damn-if-you-do, damn-if-you-don't situation. So why try to be someone your not? Just hang on there. Everybody is born nice. It's really their insecurities and fears that's bringing the “unpleasant side of them”. Once they realize you're for real, they will learn to like you and don't be surprised if they begin to open up to about their own miserable state.
If you have compliments to say, say so. But if you have nothing good to say, just keep your mouth shut. In an atmosphere like that, the more you have something to say, the more deep-in-shit you'll eventually fall. Remember this, those who boast too much (lifting their own chairs to advance their position) are actually binding their own hands because one day they will have to live up with what they are boasting, then the pressure will be on them and expectations will be unreasonably and unrealistically high. After all they created all that expectations by propping themselves up while putting other people down, right? Just let them be and be patient. Don't leave the movie house in the middle because always during that stage the “bad-guys” are ahead in the race. Finish the movie and watch the whole picture unfold. You see, these people doesn't need your anger, instead they need your understanding and sympathy because they are so knee-deep lost that they already forget who they really are.
If you're being pushed to the brink, let them know about it (of course, you should do it without raising your voice and being as calm as possible because you can't get your message across effectively by yelling). Just get to the point and be firm (I know this can be very difficult, but believe me very effective as well). Don't go around in circles. It takes practice and getting used to, it takes the right personality also, but it works. You think by aligning yourself to the “in” clique you're safe? Don't be deceived, chances are there is in-fighting as well within their group. Remember “by being quiet but firm, by using proper diplomacy coupled with straight forwardness, you are actually getting into them with more impact than you realized. You might not notice it face-up, .but believe me it's still better than confrontation. But of course, there are some exception situations wherein a confrontation is needed to let them back off.
Avoid using the motto “An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth”.
As negatively-charged as the atmosphere is remember that peole are born naturally nice and you don't fight fire with fire. You will only add to the flame. And it will swing back and forth. It can be really tiring. You fight water with fire instead because that's really the only chance you have to diffuse it. It takes a lot of mind-conditioning but if you can look into small details this and there you can find something good in them. Be a real do-gooder (and not for show or with any strings attached). Sometimes we are so afraid of doing good fearing that “they will abuse your kindness” or “they will think I'm working my way into the group”. Let them think whatever they want because it's only a matter of time they will regret it. The worst thing a person can feel is regret, regret for letting a genuinely nice person slip away from them. Be as nice to them as your patience can hold, but when you can't take it anymore, give them a piece of your mind (follow # 3) then walk away. By doing so you are shifting the emotional burden to them because deep inside you knew you exhausted every means, while on their part, deep inside they also knew they were the one who screwed up the relationship.
