When I am Alone,
And I've Thrown Off The Weight Of This Crazy Stone.
When I've Lost All Care For The Things I Own,
That's When I Miss You.
You Are My Home.
And Brother Here is What I Know Now
Here is What I Know Now
Here is What I Know.
It Goes Like This
In Your Love My Salvation Lies.
In Your Love,
My Salvation Lies In Your Love.
Alexi Murdoch, Orange Sky
This morning...
Why did my mother name me Deborah? The oracle and the prophet. The Judge.
If someone is found, for whom time is uncoupled, who seems to see things pre-chosen, the summit of a path from the head of the trail, or perhaps only sees the whole form of a thing rather than one fraction of it at a time, would you ask that person to choose your direction? ...I would not. Comfort them, give them any solace I had to give, but ...I'd ask them no questions. Crippled to the world of company, you would be, could you live outside of time. Haplessly confusing logic with truth. Meddling in affairs for which you can have no context. There is a lesson for me, in that story. I'll heed that lesson.
And perhaps ...I'll tell no one my dreams... I'll reply only, upon awaking, I'm trying.
Only...Be patient with me... I am trying.
So, in exchange...
I'll put in your hands something which has grown slow as a diamond in me.
We must each have our definitions for home.
From behind a dozen faces, in this last year, god was smiling at me and asking
Where is home for you? Where is your home?
...saying Child...Child...don't you see? But saying it so fondly.
Anywhere and Everywhere I go I am home, I said, a year ago.
Each person is my family and this whole earth my cradle.
But everywhere and anywhere is another name for nowhere...specifically.
I am no fool - I know what I am missing. No. I know. No choice has ever been so seductive as the words ...my family...my family...my family...I am your home.
You are my home.
I know, i know. We fix our lives so that all the strength and shelter we need is in our own two hands. We cant afford to look outside ourselves for anything we must depend on.
We cannot give our happiness over to anything we cannot control.
Object- referral, self-referral.
I know we do this because at times we are not so blessed to be one part of a team of people. We must be alone and we cannot have that be a curse.
But its true too that there is a value together that we cannot have any other way.
Home that is only the bubble of goodness and safety and light made by two people and not anyplace that we are or any time we're living in or any things we own together. A moving changing tiny fraction of the world that is what they want it to be, always, because they make it so...here in this world that I make each day, you will not be lied to you will not be disregarded you cannot be lost nor lonely nor hungry, never you nor anyone else who comes to us ...because this is our part of the world to make and I will make it fine ...fine ...make and remake it each day, new ...our home. No structure can contain this, thought some may shelter a piece for awhile, it is so boundless and so huge.
But you see... it cannot be made by a single pair of hands and though mine are capable, mine are strong...well ...its only mine ...
So I also have said, three months ago, there is no such thing as home...
Not for me. It's not among my countless blessing.
There is the whole glorious world that gives itself to me so freely
And there is life who cups me in its hands and says you are that precious...
But there is no such thing as home, no such thing as love...
I said... I said... How can we say what we mean until we know it ourselves...
Or "how can we meet each other face to face until we have faces" - C.S. Lewis
Today I say ...home is not someplace I can go alone.
Today I say my love is a ship not an anchor.
Today there is hope blooming in my chest like the thousand petal lotus.
And I say these are my definitions... and maybe...maybe...someday someone will grant me the grace to try and bring them from the abstract to the real...
Amen.
