This is a hard one for me. Still rather fresh in my heart. I lost my baby brother, Teddy, to his long battle with leukemia a year ago Valentines Day.
You could not ask for a finer, kinder, more loving baby brother than Teddy. I was blessed beyond measure, and honored to call him brother. He loved the Lord with all that he was. Spent years traveling all over the world, helping to set up churches, and bring brothers and sisters to Christ.
He lived across the country from me, but that didn’t stop us from sharing many hours on the phone keeping up with each other’s lives. He left behind a young wife, and three young children. His oldest, my niece, was only five.
His leukemia was not one that was a genetic strain. His was from an environmental strain, from being exposed to chemicals in paints that were used for the huge planes he helped to paint some years ago. The masks they provided did not to protect them from the lethal doses of exposure. He was the last of a lot of men who had all contracted leukemia, and who have all since, died. Of course there was a class action lawsuit. The ones who were left behind were paid off. How horrific - how sad. For they would all rather have no money and our loved ones here instead.
Teddy was so strong dear readers. Honestly, I can’t imagine me being half as strong as he was. What he endured for years. The bruises, the breaking of his bones, time and time again. The hospital stays due to the horrific effects that the chemo had on his body. He was my bear! But the chemo changed him into a twig of that bear. He lost all that weight, all that hair, all his strength.
When his bouts at the hospital were over, usually lasting for more than a month at a time. He would immediately travel again. Making sure he could help to set up one more church before he left us all behind. He loved God so very much, and yes, as we all do, questioned why he had to endure such great pain. Such great sickness.
I had trouble with my heart. When we would talk, I would tell him that it was frightening being faced with death. That I began to keep a journal for my children, and began writing letters to them and to my husband. I wanted to prepare things to leave behind for them to find after I was gone. So that they would know the awesome love I had for each of them. I wanted to leave behind as much of myself as I could for them. I didn’t want them to hurt as much as I knew they would hurt upon loosing such a loved one. Teddy loved that idea. He started doing the same thing. And even creating videos for his children. I was so happy to hear this. I knew it would be so much to them.
We didn’t have the best upbringing, but always had each other. When he was a little baby, I used to take care of him. Change his diapers, feed him, and I would sing him to sleep at night. I was very young, only five years old, and the only song I knew the words to were Silent Night. How silly to think about it now. But I would sing that song to him over and over until he fell fast asleep.
He told me before he passed, that he always remembered me singing that silly song to him. He knew all the words to it by the time he was five. He also told me how he remembered how I taught him to write, and to spell long before he went to school. I was so tickled that he actually remembered all of that. I used to pretend I was a school teacher, and he would sit in a chair with a little notebook and pencil. I would write the words on this old chalk board with the smallest piece of chalk. And make him write it over and over again.
My little baby brother. He had endured so much growing up. All he ever wanted was to meet the perfect lady and fall in love and have lots of babies to love. I can remember how unhappy he was right before his first trip to the Singapore. He was so depressed and he was very sick. I couldn’t believe he was still going to make the long trip, but he did. It was so important to him. He sent me so many letters and post cards from every city he visited through the years. When he met his wife, his life changed completely. They were so in love. And I was so happy for him. He finally had all that he had ever dreamed of.
