When I was younger, around 15 to be exact, I had a special desire to watch people. I lived in the Boston area at the time, and one of my favorite things to do was to walk to Harvard Square, find a good spot in the middle of the hustle and prepare to watch how people interacted. It was amazing, entertaining, amusing and most of all heart warming.
I’d watch couples hand in hand, college students on a mission, street entertainers earning their daily take and loners who seemed to be so alone, even though the square was full and alive. It was those people, the ones that seemed lonely, out of place and disheartened that interested me the most. They seemed so troubled and helpless. Years later, I still have this interest and have picked up some insight as to what these people might be feeling.
There are obvious clues, of course, basic body language traits. But there are also not so obvious observations to different mannerisms. Speaking loudly is one trait that might signify an individual’s power play, to control his environment. There are also other reasons why someone may use a louder than normal tone. It might be to persuade you into doing something for them. Perhaps, to somewhat bully you into cooperating.
One reason for speaking loudly, I found very interesting was that someone speaking with a louder tone might actually use it to compensate for a perceived flaw. On the other hand, if someone speaks with a soft voice, this usually means the person is uncomfortable in a situation, intimidated or possibly nervous. But if this person’s voice is normally soft, it could indicate a lack of self-confidence.
Dishonesty can sometimes be easy to read. If someone speaks faster than they usually do, shift back and forth in their seat, and start to repeat what you say, this will lend itself to the notion that something‘s just not right. They might exaggerate a look of concern to the person they’re speaking with to convince you they are being above board. Someone who is being dishonest may not be able to stop their eyes from shifting. They might fidget, not be able to stop licking their lips, running their tongue over their teeth, or leaning forward. They may inappropriately slap your back as to say, “you trust me, right?“ Getting into your personal space could also indicate someone being less than honest.
One that is bored with the conversation will let their eyes wander, gaze into an imaginary distance, sigh , yawn, tap their fingers or feet, place their body away from the person they’re speaking with and might even start playing with a pencil or some other inanimate object.
An angry person will turn red, cross their arms or legs very defensively, or place their hands on their hip. Their speech will be rapid and out of breath. Their lips will close tightly and their posture might be stiff or tense. They will slant their body forward as if to challenge you.
Frustration can also be aggressive, but for the most part, they appear to be more angry with themselves. They might repeat words to get you to notice them. Their speech might turn melodramatic or their actions might seem exaggerated.
A depressed state of mind will reveal itself in many different ways. This person will want to be isolated, they won’t be able to concentrate on your conversation. They will be unable to focus or make plans for the future. Their body will be relaxed, their eyes will look down and their movement will be slow and careful. They will seem disheveled and forgetful.
It will seem overwhelming to them to complete ordinary simple every day tasks like showering, or getting dressed. This is the hardest for anyone to watch. We want to relieve them of their pain. Someone who is so disillusioned and lifeless is heartbreaking.
To be human is to feel, to be human is to have compassion and to be human is to want to help.
