In Hastings in Great Britain, I stood in a huge, haunting, wild, green park at the edge of a cliff overlooking the sea ready to end my life. As I thought back over my love affair with my therapist who is married with two toddlers I choked on my stupidity. How can I believe that my therapist will leave his wife and children for me? Silly girl I am. At twenty six I have a lot to learn. Am I gay? Can I not find a normal guy to be besotted with? Why me? Is there really an end to this torment? I feel so infatuated with my therapist. He has broken my heart. Where’s the light? I have no money. I am unemployed. I have nothing but a driving license and a posh car. I hate my body. No matter how much I don’t eat, I feel disgusting.
I step towards the edge, closer and closer. Suddenly, I freeze. I have no control over my limbs and my body has a mind of its own. I cannot scream or move my body. Something has taken over me. God? A split personality? A guide? What the hell is going on? My feet start moving backwards away from the cliff of their own accord, all by themselves. Blimey oh riley! Do I have choice on this planet? I cannot kill myself. Wow. My body suddenly takes me to my car. It’s like I have given permission for some advanced extra terrestrial race to pull my strings and treat me as their puppet! I am not in. I can experience what is going on but I cannot control my body at all. Something spiritual and wise has taken over.
Once seated in my black, posh car my dad had bought me, I was able to move my body once again. I collapsed in a heap of tears and prayed to god or whoever was in control. From this point onwards my life changed forever and I don’t care what any psychiatrist thinks of me, everyone must know that some of us don’t have choice on this planet. Was I awoken to the fact that I am some experiment? Am I here for others? What is my mission? Was that a split personality disorder surfacing? Are we sleepwalking and if we ask for help can we awaken? I am awake now. No looking back. I can never commit suicide thanks to this interfering force.
