I Was Molested But Found a Way To Deal With It.
There's the art of self-retrieval to consider when dealing with this serious problem of the molested child who might happen to be yourself. I learned technique around 2002 by association with The Monroe Institute. I never went to counseling as I basically had dealt with the feelings and thoughts on my own many years previous to 2002. I describe the experience in more detail in my book RoadSigns, Shifting Gears Between Two Worlds. I just published this book through Trafford Publishing just this month.
Although I had conquered or risen above the bad feelings that this had occurred to me, I still had some residual shame feelings around it, which made me not want to talk about it publicly in any great detail.
I do believe though that I had guidance while writing the book as this amazing dream depicting a self retrieval occurred which illustrated the need that indeed, I should go ahead and be detailed, as the intention was to help another be not ashamed, and to no longer have those devastating feelings associated with molestation, as if you somehow were responsible to have had that perpetrated upon your body.
Unfortunately, no matter how much work we do on ourselves, sometimes even more work is needed. I was in my 50's; I thought I should have gotten over it completely by that time.
I did get over it completely by writing it down and with the self-retrieval which I'd like to stress the importance of. As I went about writing my book over a 4-year span I was on the 2nd chapter where the issue of child molestation came up in my semi-biography. I started feeling a twinge of impatience to get this chapter over with and get on to the more pleasant chapters. That's when the dream occurred which gave me an entirely different viewpoint and freed up my self-expression to release the rest of the bad feelings, which had clung on despite my self-work over the years. Here is the symbology the dream offered: I held the hand of myself as a 5 or 6-year-old child. I was now a woman who had care of this child. I had an urgent task before me and I needed to leave the child somewhere and go do this task as I felt she was an inconvenience if I took her with me. I walked into a public restroom and deposited the child into one of the toilet rooms and latched the door behind her. I told her to stay there and I would return for her as quickly as possible. The little girl protested being left there as well she might. I looked around me and wondered if the “public” would care for her in my absence. A woman walked by giving me a stern look as if to say I should not leave a child there by herself.
I left and returned almost immediately. In my absence I discovered to my shock the child had been molested! I felt this was my fault. I shouldn't have left her there. I immediately examined her person and her very soul for damage as well her emotional state. The child had been obedient to remain where I had told her but she had opened the door and been seen by a predator. I looked for damage but found none as she smiled sweetly at me, overjoyed that I, her future self had at last come for her. All her life it had seemed, she only wanted to be with me; she only wanted me to be proud of her and she suffered not. She was innocent and had no bad feelings and no shame. It was I, the mature woman who had the bad feelings. As I reached to hug her, to love myself free, I experienced a tremendous feeling of joy and freedom at last as a merge occurred in my psyche and my writing began to reflect this freedom and self-love. I had just performed a self-retrieval. I had gone back into the past from a future viewpoint and brought the child home with me and into my book.
It's important to find your innocence and learn to forgive what has gone before. It's not easy to forgive and I feel we do need much guidance to do so. Sometimes counseling will help but I believe writing it down can also help. The main thing is that society stop shoving these things under the carpet and I feel we are becoming more aware that statistics show roughly 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 7 boys under the age of 18 are molested in our country. That's far too many. Please take care of our children everyone, they are our precious future. I hope this brief explanation of a self-retrieval will be helpful to some person out there. LR
