This particular women's Rehabilitation center was great for those women who wanted to recover. Some of the women had been in an average of 4-6 treatment centers before coming to the “Nest.” I was saddened at the inability for women to “stick and stay.” I stayed in order to see Gods destiny in my life manifest. However many of the clients would violate the rules with just 2 weeks before completion, or 4 days, or even the day before discharge. Slowly it became clearer that despite fear, or anxiety, if ones desire for life is fervent-receiving God's omniscient guidance for total recovery was available.
The rules were stressful at times, but I understood it's apart of recovery. The food was healthy and the staff genuinely cared and wanted the best for every woman that walked through the doors. They had graduation ceremonies weekly, which really inspired and unconsciously sowed seeds of love and strength for the clients to leave with. Activities such as fashion shows and hair shows also helped to uplift self-esteem and self worth.
If it were not for the weekly church services, bible study and teaching ministries that consistently came to the center to spread Gods word and provide spiritual encouragement, I could not have made it through the monotonous daily routines- that are essential for the recovery process.
At NA/AA meetings I always felt it would be inappropriate to say anything because I was green. So I kept silent. One client asked me if I was in the “Witness Protection Program” because of my constant silence. I didn't know how to respond.
The Comparison
Every day living in the Rehab, taught me that trusting in God is easier said then done. It's sad to think that trusting in God can be intangible even for some believers. They unconsciously desire something more touchable and visible to hold on to. Subsequently, the equivalent way of thinking is sometimes shared by some drug addicts-except they opt to trust in drugs. While some believers opt for food, busyness, money, religious rituals, sexual perversion, or the pastor.
God would ring my ear with these words “I give you power to choose, some human beings that don't want me until they feel they need me or when everything else fails. The other idols they choose destroy them faster or slower. Idols will eventually come to demise. I am Everlasting, Eternal, Omniscient, Overflowing, Abundant... I NEVER RUN OUT. You don't have to kill or steal to get more of me. I am ENOUGH, I am all you need. Some realize it early in life and some later in life. I will keep you going - I still protect my creation without them even knowing.”
My flesh still desired to hear another human corroborate my feelings. So I asked God to lead me to an addict that I could query. Addiction was so intriguing to me; I was ashamed to feel like I doubted God. But then again maybe I was. However, God in his infinite mercy didn't allow me to feel guilty about the need to get another perspective or to “verify” with another human being. God just protected my heart. Well I was led to one of the monitors who was very spiritual; she always brought me spiritual books to read and faithfully woke me for my early morning prayer on her scheduled work nights. Since she was a recovering addict I asked her why a belief in God inadequately cures an addiction to drugs. All she said was-“the key is FAITH.” I knew that! She further elaborated that “we ask God to help us in our addictions, yet we waver in our faith to believe that he is capable. And also, so we do not act on faith by completely turning away from sin.”
Notwithstanding my lack of exposure to the world of drug addiction, I always sensed that healing was taking place in the process of sharing at the NA/AA group meetings. I guess that's the beauty of fellowship in any religion or with NA/AA meetings. When it's about life and prolonging it, there is a spirit of God, whose life force is so powerful that it overtakes the pulse of the gathering. And when you get just a taste of it- it's like you immediately receive peace as well as healing.
Just like being clean and recovering from drugs are two different things as well. Similarly, an addict needs to go to a treatment center, like a Christian needs to go to church to “plug in.” Fellowship disrupts the deception and destruction that can take place in an isolated or alienated mind. You just can't read the bible at home exclusively or read the NA/AA book at home solely.
