The Gnarly Canadian Test

1. What is the first letter in the Canadian alphabet?

1. Eh
2. x
3. B
4. All of the above.

2. Who is Jean Chretien?

1. A chicken farmer from western Ontario.
2. Your uncle's brother.
3. The guy who started Wendy's.
4. The producer of Dumbo.

3. According to Canadian custom, what is the first thing you do upon entering someone else's home?

1. Proceed to the bathroom and before leaving, employ the plunger at least twice.
2. Offer to watch the igloo while they run down to the town hut for some whale blubber.
3. Take off your moccasins.
4. Pledge allegiance to the Maple Leaf.

4. What is the correct pronunciation of the word "about"?

1. huh?
2. ebbowetv
3. ayboot
4. Is this a trick question?

Now that we've proved you're truly Canadian...

5. What are prairie oysters?

1. An exotic delicacy enjoyed only by gourmets in Manitoba.
2. A rare breed of caterpillar that lay their eggs in wheat crops.
3. Small crustaceans found in the rivers of Saskatchewan.
4. Wombat food.

6. What is a touque?

1. The plunger you employed in question 3.
2. A multi spiked cannonball used by British soldiers in WWI.
3. The technical name for those furry things your cat coughs up every four hours.
4. Those really ugly tropical fruit hats.

7. What is the Bluenose?

1. Curse of Yukon women.
2. A rare strain of hives.
3. A purebred Smurf dog.
4. Bigfoot's aunt.

8. What does NASA REALLY stand for?

1. Nude Americans Smell Awful
2. Never Again Shall I Abbreviate
3. Who cares?
4. Navel Autographing Studio Eh?

9. Tim Horton was ORIGINALLY known for what?

1. Riding a camel bareback across the border.
2. Peddling shoelaces and pencils at the APEC convention.
3. Being a pioneer in the doughnut industry.
4. Overdosing on live goldfish in the 70's.

10. What is the capital of Canada?

1. Saskatoon
2. Montreal
3. North pole
4. C

11. What is the bird on the Canadian flag?

1. Platypus
2. Blue jay
3. Flamingo
4. Penguin

12. How long was the Seven Years War?

1. Seven years. Duh!
2. Four score and ten years.
3. Not long enough.
4. 3.7 meters

13. What is Canada ' s second official language?

1. Pakistanis
2. Russian
3. Luxembourgian
4. Spanish

14. What is the proper pronunciation of Canada?

1. Ca-nuh-deh
2. Uh-mar-icka-sux
3. There is none.
4. vin-ter-ist-kold-heer

15. Who are the Metis?

1. A political party of Canada.
2. Those guys who are always hanging around you after school.
3. Canadian spies (same thing as b).
4. Ancient name for Japanese tourists who are addicted to backgammon.

16. Approximately, what is the population of Canada?

1. 24 and the family dog.
2. As many people as can fit in three igloos.
3. b minus what the polar bears ate for lunch.
4. Not enough to worry about.

17. What tree does Canadian maple syrup come from?

1. Oak.
2. Blue Spruce.
3. Corn stalks.
4. Brazilian rubber trees

18. What is the name of Canada ' s new territory?

1. Bob's Land.
2. Uktunanriopfithnod.
3. I don't even know the oldest one!
4. http://www.youdon ' tknowanythingaboutcanada.com/GIVEITUP!

19. Who was John A. Macdonald?

1. Founder of the McDonald ' s fast food chain.
2. A French guy who made the recipe for pea soup.
3. Just another bum on the street.
4. Mother Goose ' s owner.

20. Why do you think we made this test?

1. To give Americans something to think about.
2. We were bored. REALLY bored.
3. Everyone needs a little Canadian in them.
4. To give Canadians something to laugh about.

21. What are soapstone carvings made with?

1. Soap.
2. Pumpkin seeds.
3. Maple syrup from question 17.
4. George-Etienne Cartier ' s body remains (this would make them especially rare!).

22. What is the purpose of a soapstone carving?

1. To get clean.
2. To use as a flush tablet.
3. Alternate for a cross in the Baptist religion.
4. So we can all have something of George Cartier.

23. How are the Northern Lights formed?

1. Inuit fireworks.
2. A reflection off of grandpa ' s head.
3. A tropical migration of flying rainbow trout.
4. They don ' t exist. Twice a year an epidemic of delusions sweeps across the country.

24. What is the national sport of Canada?

1. Pow wows.
2. Snowball fighting.
3. Fencing. “ Touché! ”
4. Ballet.

25. Why are you taking this test?

1. Because you ' re stupid.
2. Because you have nothing better to do.
3. To see if you ' re truly Canadian (if you ' re an American this would probably not be the best choice!)
4. Because you needed to find some resourceful information.

26. How many Canadians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

1. 1.43902.
2. None. We get a China man off the railroads to do it.
3. Less than how many Americans it takes (hahaha!).
4. We don ' t use light bulbs. We use seal oil lamps.

27. How many feet of snow does Canada get in one year?

1. 300.
2. What's a feet?
3. What is snow?
4. I don't know! I can ' t get to the top to see!

28. What do Canadians use for toilet paper?