The Gnarly Canadian Test

1. Birch bark.
2. Snow.
3. Soapstone carvings (poor Mr. Cartier!).
4. A touque.

29. What does the RCMP stand for?

1. Royal Canadian Mounted Pedestrians.
2. Really Cool Milk Pails.
3. I thought I ' d never abbreviate again!
4. Re-used Corrugated Maple Parsley.

30. What are the Maritimes?

1. A fancy French name for when you change a baby ' s diaper.
2. A string of taverns in eastern Saskatchewan.
3. Joined Canadian brands for fishing rods.
4. Twins off of “ The Young and the Restless. ”

31. Where is Ellesmere Island?

1. In Russia.
2. Second star to the right and straight on " til morning.
3. Follow the bison trail North.
4. There is no such place.

32. What is Ellesmere Island famous for? (If you guessed d on the last question you're in for a surprise!)

1. Highest population in Canada (three whole people!!!)
2. It's where Santa Clause lives.
3. It's a brand of sweater made of cashmere.
4. Free hot dogs on Mondays and twice on Thursdays.

33. What are Smarties?

1. Nerds at school.
2. Prescription pills to stimulate Canadian brain cells.
3. Venezuelan postmen.
4. Intelligent ies.

34. What is an ie?

1. A fictional character that I just made up (if you pick this answer you must be STUPID!!!)
2. Canadian breed of gerbils.
3. Substitute for -~_@*^- in Yugoslavian.
4. Those little chunkies that come out when you regurgitate.

35. According to Canadian custom, what is the first thing you do to a newborn baby?

1. Put it back if it's not what you wanted.
2. Put a coat on it before it gets frostbite.
3. We don't get newborn babies (the conditions are too harsh.)
4. Surrender it to Jack Frost or die!

36. What is a glacier?

1. A custom-made ice pick.
2. A patch of eggplants.
3. A yeti baby.
4. Sasquatch scented Roman candle.

37. Who was Pierre Eliot Trudeau?

1. Shania Twain ' s fiancé-to-be.
2. Your long distant cousin from Texas.
3. Mrs. Trudeau ' s husband.
4. Your most feared neighbor from h&**!

38. Who is Queen Elizabeth II?

1. A queen of a country in darkest Africa.
2. An extremely insane woman claiming to be a high ruler over many republics.
3. Oldest citizen of Canada.(25 years old!)
4. The lady who thought of commercials.(so many people with too much time on their hands!)

39. What do Canadians do in their spare time?

1. Have walrus rodeos.
2. Go to Midget Hortons for a nice timbit.
3. Practice their spear throwing for the annual killer whale hunt
4. Play in the snow. (duh!)

40. What's the most popular TV show in Canada?

1. Barney!!! (my favorite.)
2. The Young And The Restless.
3. Beverly Hills 90210.
4. Cow And Chicken.

41. What do Canadians have for breakfast?

1. Chocolate Squishies.
2. Metamucil.
3. Seal skin crepes.
4. Powdered Toast.

42. Et tu Brute?

1. Of course!
2. Is that French?
3. Will I be disqualified if I get this one WRONG?
4. It's Greek to me.

43. When do Canadians speak their language?

1. When they have had too much to drink.
2. At home or on sea.
3. They don ' t actually talk, duh!!
4. On their annual three-month cruise to the Jamaican islands.

44. What is the scientific meaning of “ sovereignty ” ?

1. Hand me the beaker with the pink stuff.
2. What ' s the password to the Chiral Club?
3. Watch out for the big rock!
4. Oh, there ' s the soy sauce!

45. Did question 44 make any sense?

1. Yes.
2. No.
3. Maybe.
4. So.

46. How do they get the caramel inside a Caramilk bar?

1. This isn't a Canadian question!
2. It ' s sorcery!
3. Same way they make jelly-filled doughnuts.
4. Let ' s just say it ' s not caramel.

47. What would Canada be like without snow?

1. It would be full of dead penguins.
2. The Sahara desert.
3. Like a bowl of soggy cereal.
4. I ' d still like to know what snow is, please!

48. What is a penguin?

1. An exotic breed of ice fish (that ' s what we get when we go ice fishing.)
2. That big fat bad guy off of Batman.
3. Official name given to offspring of a flubber and a frying pan.
4. A species of talking paper scissors.

49. What do Canadians refer to Americans as?

1. Yankees.
2. Yanks.
3. Americans (your REALLY hoping on this one aren't you?)
4. I don't want to know.

50. Ghgdd?

1. Ahklfha.
2. Qytixda, gh bzn!
3. Kdbghis?
4. Mkalbavirlenid.

Congratulations! You have completed the GCT, The Gnarly Canadian Test! For those of you who are taking this test seriously, or for those of you who have low mental limitations or setbacks we would like to mention that this test was designed to expand your Canadian historical and geological knowledge.

As for you Canadians out there, we strongly advise you to have a good laugh now at all the ignorant YANKS (that's right) who think that this test is for real. In fact, we didn't even put the correct answers among the choices. So when you go home tonight, or if you are at home, remember, always, that you are a Canadian citizen and that you should hold yourself high (or you might end up dragging your chin on the ground).

We thank you again for taking this test and hope you have finished with a few laughs.