I had my closed meeting with AA tonight and discussed the 12 steps with my sponsor. I learned how there are different types of Alcoholics. Binge drinking, Abuse, Dependence, or just a bad habit, they are all a problem. Alcohol dependency is referred to as alcoholism. While abuse is an early sign and can turn into alcoholism. Signs of abuse are placing yourself at risk of accidents, arrests, poor job performance, and/or other social problems; and causes physical and mental damage.
The behavioral evidence is in attitudes and beliefs, the influence of friends, family, and stress levels, as well as environmental factors. Essentially you have an alcohol problem when drinking harms you directly, jeopardizing your well-being, and / or when places others at risk, physically or mentally (emotionally). Most feel the need to deal with this problem privately, so they try to do it on their own. Problem is - drinking stems from behavioral and emotional problems caused by strongholds; strongholds we often can not see in ourselves. Strongholds that come from childhood experiences and traumas in life that are so deeply rooted in our unconscious behavior, without knowing we become programmed by them. That is why you should not do it on your own; others see in you what you can not. And at AA they have all been were you are. How you learn what your personal strongholds are, is not through others telling you, but by being revealed to you through the experiences and thoughts of others that share with you. It is becoming evident that in fact I do have an alcohol problem. AA will help me keep it in the past and my eyes on the future; living the life of a present-future person instead of a present-past person.
The way I see it - AA is a fellowship; people with similar struggles there for each other as well as themselves. With the same cause, being in the presence of The Great Healer, The Higher Power, Our God, who can give us the strength to understand and over come, making our problems disappear, leading us to the place of health - physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and beyond. To a place that can become a new reality with new behavioral patterns and emotional freedoms without drinking. AA meetings are a place where you can safely and freely examine your strongholds and expose your weakness without judgment or ridicule. It is a door to a life of freedom and the key to opening it is the wiliness to walk through.
I believe the way to victory is to be released from the short-comings and strongholds that have been put into place in our lives. Something that we can not do on our own and need to turn to God for; humbly asking and accepting the changes in our character that we so desperately need weather seen or unseen by us. AA is not what I had expected. Those who have had nothing but negative things to say about AA have either never been or were blind to the experience because they were never willing in the first place. I am already grateful for AA; and, although I don't really know her, I am grateful to have someone like my sponsor to direct me and support me. The happiness and freedom AA has given her shines through her as an example of what the future holds for any one looking.
Afterward I met a woman who was feeling down. My sponsor had introduced us and pointed out that this woman was struggling with finding employment in her field as a nurse. Her situation and life of alcoholism had apparently caused road blocks. I found my self telling her - God has a plan for our future and it involves what we already have now, something we currently possess. Maybe it is time to look at other gifts, skills, and/or talents we already have to provide us financially. Perhaps something we enjoy or do well that we can use to draw an income from. I continued by saying, I know you have other gifts to use even if it is just till you can get back into nursing. God is the provider and He will never forsake us. Another woman (I didn't get her name) walked up at the end of the conversation and added - that's right, He always provides for us, sometimes it doesn't come till the last moment but He will always show up for us. Just believe it. Wow, our conversation felt so natural; I spoke with ease. I know it was the Holy Spirit.
My sponsor drove me home; she had not been present during most of my conversation with this woman and mentioned her concern for the woman's well-being. Her attitude and emotional state puts her at risk of slipping out of sobriety. Once again I was in a place where I discovered myself saying things that just peacefully flowed out of me without prior thought. I explained how difficult it is with the economy being this way and our situations; but it takes a lot of time because people in the position of job hunting spend the majority of time looking to replace what they had, only to discover they often can't. Then after unsuccessful months are used up, finally we start looking for less or something else, then eventually for anything. By then things are in a more desperate state causing stress and pressure, making the task more difficult.
In our stubbornness, we still don't see what is right in front of us; all we have to do is use what we have. We start to get in our own way, becoming the cause of our own problems. My sponsor believes in God and says she sees AA in more of a Spiritual way than a God way. When I said that about getting in our own way and becoming the cause of our own problems, I felt in my heart this - We get in Gods way and make it more difficult for God to bring us to His will, making the solutions to our problems farther away. So for those of you fighting to survive in this economy, perhaps even struggling for employment, don't give up. I know it is even harder on those who are struggling with Alcoholism. Remember to believe that a greater power than ourselves can restore us and will. Everything has an end and it always comes right before a new beginning. God never gives us more than we can handle and always provides a way out. Our Father in Heaven has an immeasurable, never ending abundance of love for us and will never forsake us.
