About a couple Sundays ago the pastor of the church I visited was preaching. In his sermon he said, you know that the child that the oldest now wasn't suppose to be the oldest. I was not excepting him to say that but he had struck a truth I could identify. Then when the issue of Gov. Palin daughter arose in the media about being pregnant came to our attention I being to think about how her daughter was feeling. It wasn't until I was having a conversation the other day with my mother about the Gov. Palin and her teenage daughter being pregnant. I was amaze by her reaction and knew that her views had not changed after all these years. She said, that she shouldn't have been having sex no way bringing shame basically to the family. My mind started to flip through the pages of my life and couldn't believe that she some how forgot that she was once there as well. It was as if it had not happen. And that's how it ended never mention again. Let me explain.
When I was 16 years old, in the 70's, I was pregnant. Back then getting pregnant wasn't as open as it is now. Families didn't want the shame to be on their families that their daughter or son was about to be a teenage parent. My parents was one of those families. I can remember being scared when my cycle had not came the first month and the second month. Too sacared to talk to my mother or anyone else. I was a only child. Well my mother notice that I had not ask her to get my monthly personals. She ask me with a sound in her voice and convicted look on her face that it frighten me and I said, I don't know. She said YOU ain't been messing around with these no good boys? I said, no. You see my mother scared the hell out of me because back then you could beat the hell out of your kids. She told my dad and he really didn't say anything because he had 2 other children out of wedlock before he was married to my mother. I guess he was disappointed but he never talk down to me he was awesome. My mother wanted to control everything and certainly didn't want anyone to ever find out. To this day this is the fist time I've every mention it.
Well, the day came when I had to go to the doctor. Oh my GOD the ride to the doctor's office was a long ride even though it was just across town. Yes it's a small town. I can remember my mother yelling at me. Screeming about me being fast. You see back then fast ment hot. I still denied having sex. It was if a lump was in my thoat and it just wouldn't come out. I was terrified and my mother wasn't helping the situation at all. I don't remember everything she said, but I do remember her call my child, her grandchild a bastard. Oh that hurt so bad that I can still hear her saying it over and over again. Once the doctor check me and said, yes she is pregnant he ask me in the same breathe, did I want to keep it? I was crying and shocked because deep down my fears was true and confirm. He ask me again did I want my baby? My my mother yeild at the top of voice NO!!!You don't want this baby. And that was that! She had me schedule for an abortion before I left the doctor's office.
I called the father and told him that I was pregnant and my mother said I could not have this baby and I was going to have an abortion. Don't tell nobody because they don't want anyone to know. And that was that! The most scariest time in my life and my mother was not there for me but against me for along time. The ride to get this procedure done was about 2 states away from where I was from. It was a bunch of girls that loaded up on a bus to get abortions. I couldn't believe it. By myself with no support. I remember that the first time I went I couldn't get it done and had to be schedule for another time. That ment I had to do this long trip again. Two weeks later I return by myself to go through a birth enduce. Once it was over we never mention it again in our house. No one ask me anything. All of my thoughts and feeling were buried deep down inside. I had and still have an uneasy feeling about that event in my life. Guilt. I should have stood up to my mother and said, yes I want my baby but I just couldn't for fear. So I commend Gov. Palin for standing by her daughter. I know being young, not married, body changing daily, america watching your every move you need that support of your family. I wish that I had that support back then because it would have made all the difference in the world and just maybe it would have been for me. So Gov. Palin thanks for being there for your daughter and not making her feel ashame, but for being an understanding mother.
