It's what everyone wants to tell you from your daughter to your husband to your co-worker three cubicles over - you are driving everyone nuts! Knock it off, mother of the bride!
Look - can we talk? There are a few ground rules to being a happy, helpful, and relaxed mother of the bride, and you need to know them.
- First - this is not your wedding. Period. If you want a do-over, then plan a re-commitment ceremony with your husband next year. This particular day belongs to your daughter and husband to be. The bridesmaids will be dressed in the colors your daughter picks, you will smile at the vegan food if chosen, and you will not have a temper tantrum if no one chooses to throw a bouquet, take off a garter, or chooses a D.J. over a band.
- Second - allow the couple to tell you what they want you to help with. Yes, you may offer to help and tell them where you think your strengths are, but let them choose where they need you. If by some strange chance they feel they don't need your help, you will not act like a martyr or dissolve into tears.
- Third - acknowledge there is a generation between you and the couple - Times have changed and their needs will not be the same as when you were first married. They may not need silver, china, and a coffee pot. They may need an espresso machine, a kayak, and hiking gear. As long as they promise to keep using napkins (cloth optional), what does it really matter?
- Fourth - have faith you raised a competent and capable woman - take pride in her accomplishments as she picks, chooses, and arranges. The big surprise - the less you try to interrupt and force yourself in the decision making process - the more she will involve you!
- Fifth - it's not about you. This ties back into #1 but let's define it a bit further. You will not choose a dress that draws attention to yourself, allow yourself to become drunk on anything other than happiness, or pick this moment to revenge yourself on any relative for past wrongs. Act like the woman you want your daughter to emulate and let your son-in-law be proud of you both. .
It's not a lot to ask that you follow your daughter's lead this time around. You've taken hers and led her to this moment and time. It's time for her to step forward and take your hand to guide you into this part of your shared future.
