Many people who are being abused do not see themselves as victims. The abusers do not see themselves as
being abusive. Persons think of domestic violence as physical violence, such as hitting. However, it also takes
other forms, such as psychological, emotional or sexual abuse. It can happen to people who are married,
heterosexual, gay, lesbian, living together, separated or even dating.
Around the world 20 - 30% of women will be physically abused by a partner at least once in their lifetime. 1.3
million women and 834,732 men are physically assaulted by an intimate partner annually.
The dynamics of an abusive relationship cycle of violence consists of three stages:
-
Tension Building Stage: Tension in relationship gradually increases over time.
- Acute Battering Stage: Tension erupts, results in threats or use of violence and abuse.
- Honeymoon Stage: Batter maybe apologetic and remorseful and promises not to be abusive again.
The cycle of abuse continues throughout the relationship, with the honeymoon stage becoming shorter
and the eposides of battery more frequent or more severe. The victim hopes that the batter will change, thus
contributing to the victim staying.
It can be confusing to persons as why a woman/man would stay with someone who beats them. There are
many reasons why they stay that seem to make sense to the victim. Alot of victims do not realize it is abuse.
They tell themselves it only happens when their abuser is drunk, high, under stress, et... Some stay because
they believe it will not happen again. Others believe the abuser is really sorry they do not remember what
happened, or realized what they were doing. They stay because they strongly believe the abuser is really
a good person, they actually did not mean to hurt them. They stay because they love him/her. He/she does
not hurt the children. They feel that they can not support the children on their own. The list goes on and on.
In a abusive situation many victims try to solve the problem by talking it out with the abuser. They will even
try to change their behavior to meet the demands of the abuser.
As I have state, we all have either heard the stories, lived them or are living them.
The issue of domestic violence is one that is important to me personally. I have live the story not once but
thrice. I know someone close to me that has also lived it. I know a few who are living it and are too scared
to do something about it or just do not realize they are being abused. I strongly believe with many others
that if you are abused once it will continue. It is said people can change. When it comes to abusers I believe
they are like leopards who's spots can not change. No one should ever be abused. Just one time you are
abused you should leave the relationship.
If your partner uses one or more of the following to control you:
- Pushing, bitting, slapping, choking, kicking, or biting.
- Threatening you, your children, other family members or pets.
- Threatening suicide to get you to do something.
- Using or threatening to use a weapon against you.
- Keeping or taking your paycheck or controlling the money.
- Puts you down or makes you feel bad.
- Forces you to have sex or to do sexual acts you do not want or like.
- Keeping you from seeing your friends and family:
You Have Been Abused!!!
If you know someone who is being abused urge them to get help. Abuse is abuse no matter when it
occurs. It does not matter if it only occurs when they are stressed out, drunk, high, et.. Once is more
than enough. Remember the victim is someone we all know. Whether it is a son or daughter, friend, sibling,
or even a neighbor. This is a human life that someone is abusing. If the abuse continues this human life will
ultimately cease.
Please do not just sit there and look in or think "hey it is their life". As I said most victims do not realize they
are being abused. So please urge them to seek help. To talk to someone whether it is a counselor, clergy
member, hot-line, or even another victim who has survived. They need help. So in the words of someone I
know please get them to shut-up, sit down and listen.
I have admitted I was abused. I still remember the feeling of my head going through the glass medicine cabinet
and I can still remember my children's eyes as they watched. For those of you with children who are being
victimized you never want your child/children to see it. To this day I still suffer from the trauma. Occasionally
I still flinch if my significant other gets a little loud. Mind you I know he would never ever hurt me.
However,
the scars of the past are still present
For those of you who are victimized do not let your parents lose you this way. For those of you with siblings
do not make them cry at seeing you in the hospital or getting a phone call after the attack again. Above all
please do not let anyone you know and love have to visit your grave. Please seek help now.
Remember
you are the victim and have done nothing wrong. Remember tomorrow maybe too late. Just remember the
life you are trying to save is someones child, sister or brother, or even yourself. Above all remember you are
a human being and do not deserve to be treated this way.
