Like many other Saturdays, I was on my way to do some shopping. I was driving on my own playing my favorite songs and feeling overwhelmed by the wonderful sensation of freedom. I don't mind if it's raining, burning hot, foggy, muggy, I'm just pleased of having that moment of solitude and feeling immensely free - almost almighty.
Nowadays, being single and with no serious relationship on the cards can be stressful for many - especially women. I'm in my thirties and after a few failed relationships and a divorce, I suddenly found myself swimming "solo" in the sea. Many questions sprung in my mind: “what am I going to do now?”, “am I ever going to find someone I can share my life with?”, “am I going to die alone in a rest house?” etc. That, I will never know, but whatever happens can't be bad. It was just meant to be and I would have to accept it or be a miserable lilac-hair old woman, with heavy make-up and hitting everyone who's passing by, with a duck-head cane.
Instead, I chose becoming a happy old woman greeting everyone who passes by with a big grin. I'm keeping the lilac hair. Inside that funky lilac head, there will be a vast file of memories which I will cherish and will make me that happy old woman. Those memories will include these days of freedom and solitude.
Of course, there are nights that I hug my pillow and wish that someone could hug me that way and some days whilst witnessing a nature wonder, I utter the typical “wish you were here”. Wish "who"? Well, after all I still have the dream of someone who can share some times and some experiences with me. I said "some".
In the meantime, I can do whatever I want. I can travel whatever I want, walk, read, and sleep in my whole bed without sweating buckets in summer time. One of the most precious moments in my life now is going "solo". Whenever I'm not working, I do as normal people would do. I go out with my friends, coffees, drinks, shops. And I do the same things on my own. And it's so good.
Whenever I go shopping, I spend hours and hours roaming through the shops. I go to the fitting rooms and take ages trying clothes and looking at my cellulite on the mirror. And on the other mirror on the left and on that one on the right. Then I giggle. I eat what I like and it's easier to find a place to sit down. Then after 8 hours of shopping session, I go back home and try my own things, dancing around my bedroom naked and singing.
Generally, I socialize and work during the week. On the weekends I can wake up at anytime. I'm definitely not a morning person. When no-one is around, I plan my day. Either shopping or sitting on a coffee shop on my own, has to be a pleasant experience. I feel like eating the whole world. One thing that gives me a lot of pleasure is to sit down surrounded by screaming children and the beautiful sound of dragging chairs, just reading my papers or books. My mind goes totally oblivion of those noises. Later, I'd eat some tasty pasta with a glass of wine, completely immerse in my thoughts, with no other sound in my mind but them.
I've been on holiday on my own, relaxing by the pool nothing less than 8 hours, taking the plunge every now and then. My music and some books are my only companions. Music can be very uplifting and choosing the right pieces can be encouraging. After finding complete relaxation by the pool or by the sea, I go out and wander around the streets of that new town. With no rush, I choose the restaurant I like and have a wonderful dinner. The waiters try to chat me up, but my solitude is not letting anyone in. Unless I'm in Italy and the wonderfully tanned, green-eye waiter is there.
Long walks around cute towns and parks are a must. What really cheers me up as well is the music in my MP3 player. Completely drowned in my own thoughts I can wander the streets and head off to a nice exhibition or walk by the river. It's breathtaking. I own my time, I don't depend on anyone if I want to stop by the river and stare at the water.
Staying home alone is also redeeming. Why not pampering myself with a pedicure or dance around naked? I choose a film and snuggle in my bed with some lemon pie. As said, time is mine - I'm free to do what I like. If I feel energetic I might organize my wardrobe and try some dresses on.
In the end, being single isn't bad at all. I have happily accepted it. The key is to have positive thoughts about the future to attract what we want to achieve. As I said before, I still have the dream of someone. There must be someone out there. In the mean time, I am enjoying tremendously my solitude and at some point, when my hair turns lilac, I will look through the window recollecting wonderful experiences with nostalgia and feeling blessed.
