Prince charming is dead. He never existed. And no one is coming to save you. You are responsible for creating the life that you want. Women remain in unhealthy relationships because they don't believe that they can survive without the support of a man and tolerates demeaning behavior from their male partner in hopes that he will change. When a woman financially supports herself she has the power to change her situation.
Learn how to manage your finances
Don't live beyond your means. Buy a used car; eliminate as many bills as possible and, shop off of the clearance rack. Think about how you will separate your debts, credit cards, student loans, car notes and day care expenses. Establish separate checking and savings account; make sure you have your own money. Talk to a tax attorney to determine the best way to file taxes. If there is a refund decide how you plan to invest the refund before you receive it. If you are pregnant make sure that you have enough money to sustain you while you are on maternity leave.
Find and make copies of all important records and documents
Do you know where the house deeds, apartment lease, insurance policies, tax returns, car titles, bank books are kept. Do you know about his business affairs - how much money, stock, mutual funds property and other assets that he may be hiding? Not knowing this information can lead to major financial problems during the divorce.
Gather Insurance policies
Make sure that you have adequate health, auto, life and disability insurance. Is the health insurance in your name or his name? Determine how you will handle this before you separate.
Find a reputable attorney
Investigate attorney fees. The best way to find a good attorney is through word of mouth. Do not trust just any one with all of your tangible resources and personal money matters. Do not make a half-hearted decision. Many stores sell divorce kits now for less than 50 dollars. If your divorce is complicated find a free woman's resource center or close friend to help you properly file your divorce papers.
Learn the laws for yourself, don't listen to what people "think"
Do you know if common law marriages are recognized in your state - what about alimony? Research the child custody and property laws where you live. In some states the person who is caught having an affair in penalized. Know your rights.
Keep a diary of events
Going through a separation is very emotional. You can't depend on your memory, therefore it is extremely important to keep a diary listing important dates and times of events that may be extremely important when in court. If necessary, hire a private investigator; take pictures and record phone conversations. Maintain scrupulous records, this information may determine who gets the house and the kids.
Resist having an Affair
This is a difficult time for you, and understandably you may need someone to lean on emotionally. But having an affair is more likely to add more stress to your already pending divorce. Even though you are separating from your spouse, if you are discovered this may bring about feelings of jealousy and disrespect in your soon-to-be ex-husband, and may contribute or create tension or violence in your home. All relationships require energy and time to maintain them, you will need most of your emotional and physical energy to develop and implement a strategy on how you will survive when the marriage completely resolves. If you are already involved in an affair, ask your self whether or not you think he will be around when you are free to spend more time together. A married woman can be appealing to a man who fears commitment. Look out for yourself emotionally and physically.
Make yourself more marketable
If you are currently in school, if at all possible, try to finish your degree this will increase your income and place you in a more competitive position in the job market. Learn a new job or volunteer at an agency that has an opportunity of turning into a job. If you are currently working at a job that you love, find out what skills are needed to be promoted to a higher level on income.
Find support
Let the important people in your life know about your plans to separate from your mate. They may be able to help you in many ways. Decide the best way to enlist their aid. Be extremely careful of who you trust, because some people may feel ambiguous about the separation and feel a sense of loyalty to your mate. Only you can make this judgment call. If necessary don't feel ashamed to seek professional help such as a therapist or counselor, someone who can be fair and objective to confide in. Learn to depend on yourself through prayer, meditation or finding quiet time. Silence your weary thoughts and listen to your voice within. Take long baths, strolls through the park, and long, slow sips of tea while reading an uplifting novel. Stay focused on the end results you want, but it's also important to relax.
