It has made me that person because of the route I have chosen to take. It prevents me from dating any one but a Mr. Right Now for the time being. By far, it is the harder journey right now. It is a scary one with skeletons falling out of my closet faster than I can take the head count. It is not scarier than the thought of letting a dozen Mr. permanents in my life swearing that I will get it right this time only to let it fade away time and time again and be shocked at the outcome. Signing the divorce papers felt like sticking my finger in an electrical socket for months. Once the shock was over and I began to analyze the reality, I had plenty of questions. The driving question being “how did I get here?” When you have had more experiences by the time you turn twenty-eight years old to be asked five times to write a book about your life then the end goal has to be to be a better person first and to make that lucky one want to be a better man second.
Every now and again someone will say to just move forward. Do not look back. If you get to a point that you see a self help professional because you can not move forward then the self help professional will almost always have you dig into the deep covered graves of your heart to uncover each and every one of the skeletons to let them out and breathe. I analyzed my skeletons to figure out which ones need to go into the incinerator.
My ex-husband refused marriage counseling. He was scared of his skeletons. He was an internal medicine physician not a Forensic scientist. I wanted to know why, he didn’t. So he ran. I knew he could never run from his issues. He begged to differ in a way unlike anyone I had ever met. How do opposites attract and grow apart in the same institution. The divorce rate is so high in this country that great state of Lousiana has tried to pass a law that forces the length of a separation to expand from six months to one year. Every one always says that they are never going to get married again and then they get married. Again. Some do it out of rebellion. Some swear they are going to get it right this time because they have figured out human nature. Some say they will go to rehab after the reception. Some want multiple last names, others want multiple rings. All I want is to be able to give my daughter advice on a healthy happy life by providing an example. I will consider it a bonus if I help others along the way.
Have a good weekend!