When I was a little girl I used to imagine what my future would be like, in my day dreams I would have a gorgeous house with a white picket fence a couple of great children and a husband that loved me unconditionally.
I also imagined my wedding day. Like almost every little girl I imagined a beautiful white dress walking down the isle of an old church, to this day I still image what that will be like.
It is hard to grow up having these expectations of myself and then turn out the complete opposite, I am now in an on and off relationship that has barely lasted 5 years and I have a child who is in my mind perfect and expecting another (both to the same man) except everything I dreamed of when I was a little girl is far from what I have now as a woman. I have a great child and the start of a fulfilling career but they are the only things that I have accomplished from my dreams when I was a child.
Most women go through what I have just explained, I sometimes think how different and how much easier it would be if I was born a man but when my mind drifts back to reality I know I am proud to be a woman and experience the things that I have experienced even though they don’t really connect with my day dreams as a child.
The innocence of being a child and not really being prepared for what life is about to bring you as an adult is a hard thing to go through and I know every woman has to go through that transition at some point. I went through that transition a bit too early and it disappoints me to see young girls now going through it too young as well, in a way it made me stronger as a person the scary thing is I have a little girl and another little girl on the way and I think sometimes it would be a lot easier to raise a boy simply because I know what it was like growing up a little girl and how confusing things can be. With my love and guidance hopefully it won’t be as hard for them.
Sometimes I think women like me should give ourselves more credit for the things we have accomplished in our life even though the perfect house and perfect man isn’t in it. Giving birth and raising another human being is a miracle and an accomplishment all in itself. Unfortunately I have to raise my daughter by myself and for a while I thought I was getting a raw deal my line of thinking was ‘it takes two to make a baby and it should take two to raise that baby’ and it made me very angry for a while, but I understand know that yes it takes two to make a baby but it only takes one magnificent woman to raise that baby. And that is why I am and many women like me should be proud to be a woman.
