Invariably, we all encounter co-workers with personal issues that require tact and restraint on our part. The adage to keep the personal out of the workplace is not always feasible – some life events interfere with work period. Knowing how to deal with different events in a compassionate and respectful way contributes a great deal to a comfortable workplace.
Marriage
When someone gets married or engaged, a simple congratulations or best wishes is sufficient. Don’t offer your opinions on their spouse or tell horror stories. Let them enjoy their situation on their own terms without any interference from you.
Pregnancy
As happy as one person is about being pregnant, another person is not always. Congratulate them regardless and it is okay to ask innocuous questions such as due date or sex. Avoid offering advice and leave that to their doctors. Likewise, avoid telling horror stories.
Miscarriage
This is a traumatic experience for women. They need to grieve much in the same way they do for a death. A simple “I’m sorry to hear about your loss” is about all that should be said in this situation. Be prepared to listen but don’t push and don’t offer up opinions or advice.
Divorce
Stay clear of offering advice or opinions unless asked. Even in this case, I would decline. Divorce has too many different facets and just listening is the best support you can provide. Divorce is a mix between a death and a war – there is grieving, there is battling, there is strategizing and, hopefully, there is closure. Let things work out there own course without interfering.
Illness
If a co-worker is seriously ill, or even worse, terminally ill, listening will go further than talking. Show compassion by not complaining about missed days and offer help were merited.
Death
When a friend or family member of a co-worker passes away, send a card or flowers or make a donation. Unless you are close to that co-worker, attending the funeral may not always be considered an act of support. Respect the family’s wishes surrounding the ceremony in every case.
Fired or Demoted
Offer support in helping with resumes or references where appropriate. Putting someone in touch with a potential employer is okay as well. Don’t take up their battle for them and don’t prolong the situation by over-talking it. Expect former co-workers to leave your life – they not only have to move on, but you are part of the old place – a place they may very well want to forget.
