My Boss is a Dalek

I've been casting about for inspiration for my next book, and I was chatting to a friend about how bad her boss was. I started thinking about what the worst boss in the world would look like, and I came to the conclusion that for me, the worst boss in the world would be a Dalek.

Inspiration strikes - the new book will be “My Boss is a Dalek!”

The book is about the worst bosses that populate global business. (If yours is one, I want to know!) But like any cautious professional about to embark on a significant project, I Googled the title to make sure some swine didn't already have it. And I'm glad to say they didn't. So, in the spirit of high-quality research, I Googled again, just with “My Boss is a”.

And what do you think the gist of the sites that topped the list were? My Boss is a champion? My Boss is a legend? My Boss is a fantastic person and a credit to humanity? Think again.

Of the top 19, at least 17 were completely negative.

Here's a summary of that top 19:

1. My Boss is a Tosser. This is actually a site for people to rant about their boss. It seems pretty popular with tons of flames. For balance on the site, there is an opportunity to talk about what a great boss you have. Only four entries there!
2. My Boss is a Jerk. Not only number two, but turns up at number six as well. On one occasion, it's an Amazon list of books to help you cope.
3. My Boss is a Jewish Carpenter. Yep, this is a popular bumper sticker. It's one of only two on the list that I imagine everyone who uses the phrase means it positively. Israelis working for construction companies might be displaying it ironically, though.
4. My Boss is a Slacker. Hard to believe, isn't it? How could anyone rise to an exalted position without hard work?
5. My Boss is a Snake. This one links to “Ask Annie” at Fortune , and it's full of namby-pamby advice about not burning bridges. I suppose it's good advice, but I was hoping for something creative, like hiring a snake-catcher or setting a mongoose loose in his/her office with a resignation pinned to its back.
6. My Boss is a Criminal. Disappointingly, this is the name of a play, because I once had a boss who was an actual criminal. He even went to jail for a week and covered it up, saying he was touring Corrective Services sites ahead of a tender process! Needless to say, his cooking of the books was impressive.
7. My Boss is a Hermaphrodite. Believe it or not, right there on the Internet, the rantings of a lunatic. Nothing more to say on this one.
8. My Boss is a Dork. Bit lovable, this one, isn't it. A dork! A kind hearted, well meaning, useless dork. Sometimes they are the best bosses to have, once you learn to manage them you can get away with anything...
9. My Boss is a Patriot. From outside the US, this seems a bit strange. I've seen the word used for any one from the guy who stands for a national anthem to a guy who blows up buildings. Patriot turns up a few times. People who use this phrase are almost universally being positive in this sense, and good on them.
10. My Boss is a Tool. A favored expression throughout former British Colonies, “Tool” conjures up the idea of a useless, pointless demanding boss. And so too does the article I found, which is about TV bosses. And the verdict? They're pretty well all tools.
11. My Boss is a Thief. This was a dead link. Pity!
12. My Boss is a Moron. This links to a site called Workrant. These people are upset. Believe me. Not for the faint-hearted. And not really a highly-literate bunch, but they get their feelings across.
13. My Boss is a “Rare Find”. Believe it or not, this is the most worrying of all. I think this lady has digested every self-help book on workplace psychology there is, and has found a boss that does all the good things the books say a good boss does! She is now contemplating a long distance marriage - living in a different city to her spouse but the same one as her boss. Whoever you are, potential spouse, run! Run now! Don't look back.
14. My Boss is a Good Leader. I refreshed the page and this one disappeared. Hmm. Maybe it was a mirage.
15. My Boss is a Penny Pinching Clueless Fool. Now this one I loved. The description was completely and utterly accurate. This person should fire their boss. I even emailed them to suggest it.
16. My Boss is a Mac Evangelist. Now that's creepy. I know we're all entitled to our opinions, but those who practice the bizarre pagan rituals of Mac Worship should do so in the privacy of their own homes, not be trying to convince unsuspecting employee that their ideas are “perfectly normal'. I shudder to think of working with such a person.
17. My Boss is a Lawyer. They actually were. Not a put-down at all. Rather dull really.
18. My Boss is a Christmas Fanatic. Now who doesn't love a good over-the-top indulgence in the tinsel-tinged arts of schlock Christmas displays? This whiner has posted pictures of his/her boss's little Yuletide foibles. Well, good on "em, I say. Let"s have no more of this humbug, everyone hug a cuddly reindeer today.
19. My Boss is a Micromanager. I can't believe it took to number 19 to get to Micromanager. Who hasn't had one of these? And didn't it feel good to say “I quit”. So get your resume out there and feel good as soon as possible.